Monday!

I've one very long and exhausted weekend. Saturday was filled with bridal shower stuff, getting to the church at 10 and leaving at 2 PM - just exhausted. But not tired enough to go clothes shopping at Kohls! I purchased 4 new tops - 2 of which are "breaking out of my mold" type of shirts. Then on to Best Buy where I purchased season 1 of The Good Wife and then I went home. It was getting cloudy and cooling way off by the time I got home so I decided to forego the yard work and start watching this new TV series. Sunday I woke up with a sinus headache (hat those!) and did pretty much nothing but watch "TV". I didn't even do any knitting I was ill on Sunday. I did, however, manage to go out side and do "some" yardwork. I managed to clear about 8 feet of my tulips bed from weeds and put mulch down. Now about 20 more feet to go and my little bed will look good.

I decided to do something for myself after having this major revelation last week so I purchased 4 new tops at Kohl's. Nothing major, but it is more than what I usually do for myself. Still processing everything and thinking about what I'm going to replace the old thoughts with but have not come up with anything good. Yet.

really wierd god moment

I often feel that when God has something important to say He does so in many different ways. Over my lunch hour today I watched last night's episode of Glee which was about liking who you are and what you were born with. Okay, I get the message.

finished the book

I finished reading Listening and Caring Skills in Ministry this morning. It was a very good book, although a little more technical than I had hoped for, but still very useful information. Since I do not dream of being a therapist, and this book was heavy on the psychology stuff, a lot of what John Savage went over my head. But some of it didn't, except that it left me wondering how I would ever use these skills in my small group.

One of the things it did make me aware of was some of my own misperceptions. He talked toward the end of the book about the "Life Commandements" that we often have, ususally given to us by our parents, that at one point in time they may have been well intentioned, or may have even been true, but are not now currently true. One that came to my mind was a very painful one for me. I can remember my Dad telling me when I was a young teenager that "boys don't like girls who are overweight". I heard this so much for him that at one point I started to believe it, and I have believed it ever since. This is painful for me to say, but there it is. I have struggled with weight my whole life and have a very, very poor self image because of it. I know that my dad was only trying to encourage me to lose weight, but he neglected to point out that he loved me anyway, regardless of my weight. So now I have some decisions to make. I have already forgiven my dad for this - I know it came out of love because I know my Dad and I know how he expresses love to me. But now I need to change my thinking of myself and this is a much, much more difficult thing for me to do.

I am crying right now (and I'm at work so that makes it harder) in hopes that my physical release can be a way to grieve for the woman that I was and move on to loving the woman that I am - regardless of the whole weight issue.

identity

I've been writing a book in my head for quite some time now. The characters are so real to me and the story is one that I feel compelled to write. So I've begun. This process is going to challenge me in every way because I'm discovering that what I like to read correspondes to what I like to write. Unfortunately what I like to write is in the minority. *sigh* I guess the things worth doing are not the easy ones.

Anyway, what I wanted to start exploring was the main premise of the book. It has to do with identity - basically who we are in Christ. I'm sure you've heard the saying that everyone is born with a God-sized whole in their heart and it is only when we find God that that hole gets filled up and we are complete. My main character is going to struggle with the whole issue of identity - initially rejecting her parents and eventually accepting God. The real question for me is what does it mean? Deriving our identity from God - what are the implications?

having a day

I'm having a fairly good day - pretty quiet phone wise and not a lot of emails either. Working on a few little things here and there, some of them are even creative in nature - and those are the ones I love.

I also had a good morning even though I had to be rudely awakened by my alarm, which I promptly reset, and then slept for another hour. I hate going to bed late and I hate waking up groggy.  It is a little better now that I've learned how to make coffee, but not much.

I'm looking forward to doing some "yard work" this weekend. I have some plans for buying some tools, mulch and flowers and doing some planing (*shocker*, I know), so we'll see how it goes. I do have a contract project that needs attention, but I can only devote so much time to those things before I go bonkers.

I am still thinking about some of my "deeper" issues - like loneliness and singleness. I have a friend who has also identified with the whole loneliness factor and she has been blogging about it as well. I applaud her for doing that. It is comforting for me to know that others have the same feelings, even while I realize that her perspective and feelings are coming from a different place than mine. I'll write some more on this later once I get my thoughts together. I'm just thankful for a Savior who knows the feelings and longings well.

feeling good today

I actually did some housework last night and it sure feels good to have done something productive, even if it was small. I did some laundry (having fresh towels is nice) and I changed my sheets (I do this a little too infreqenly - shhhh, please don't tell my mom!). I even did some dishes.

Then, I got up 30 minutes earlier this morning so that I could do some writing.  Yes! I did some creative writing today! I've now got those post-noon droopy eyes, but I'm feeling good about doing something positive for myself.

Housework is *not* one of my strong suits - not by far. I don't know what it is but I loathe doing housework. And yet - and yet I like a clean house. How strange I must be. I think it comes down to the requirement of it - meaning that if someone were to tell me that housework was completely optional, then I think I might be more inclined to do it.

I also continued in my reading of Listening and Caring Skills, I'm now 29% through. Still talking about body language but combining it with how to "read" someone so that you (the listener) can come back with an intelligent assessment of how they are feeling. I think this is going to take practice but will be useful.

reading

I've been continuing to read in the Listening and Caring Skills book - I'm about 28% through the book. The last 10 pages (or so) have been about body language and it has been very interesting.

I'm really tired today and I'm not sure why. I feel like I slept decently well (for me), so I'm not sure what's up. I've been yawning since about 1 and my work is really "drooping", which is why I'm here writing and not working.

There was something that I was going to write about today but I forgot what it was. I'll try to remember for tomorrow.

Prayers:
1.  That I will keep gossip at the office to a minimum and that I will not make fun of people who do silly things. This is a big one for me, being a "techie" and seeing what people do and say about technology.
2.  Pray that God will prepare me to be a witness to KL during our trip.