finished the book

I finished reading Listening and Caring Skills in Ministry this morning. It was a very good book, although a little more technical than I had hoped for, but still very useful information. Since I do not dream of being a therapist, and this book was heavy on the psychology stuff, a lot of what John Savage went over my head. But some of it didn't, except that it left me wondering how I would ever use these skills in my small group.

One of the things it did make me aware of was some of my own misperceptions. He talked toward the end of the book about the "Life Commandements" that we often have, ususally given to us by our parents, that at one point in time they may have been well intentioned, or may have even been true, but are not now currently true. One that came to my mind was a very painful one for me. I can remember my Dad telling me when I was a young teenager that "boys don't like girls who are overweight". I heard this so much for him that at one point I started to believe it, and I have believed it ever since. This is painful for me to say, but there it is. I have struggled with weight my whole life and have a very, very poor self image because of it. I know that my dad was only trying to encourage me to lose weight, but he neglected to point out that he loved me anyway, regardless of my weight. So now I have some decisions to make. I have already forgiven my dad for this - I know it came out of love because I know my Dad and I know how he expresses love to me. But now I need to change my thinking of myself and this is a much, much more difficult thing for me to do.

I am crying right now (and I'm at work so that makes it harder) in hopes that my physical release can be a way to grieve for the woman that I was and move on to loving the woman that I am - regardless of the whole weight issue.