I wrote on Wednesday about the anticipation of what would happen in my small group that night. I mentioned that I had made a decision not to do “formal” bible study because some of the women in the group were having some difficult times and they needed the opportunity to be heard and loved. What I was having problems with was diving into the realm of messy lives where emotions rule. I am not a overly emotional person and have challenges dealing with other people’s emotions, with much discomfort and backing away. I know that this is not because of any lack of compassion on my part – I hurt for these women and the challenges they face in life – but because I don’t know how to rightly express myself. When I start to cry (and I cry easily), I get flustered and lose all cohesive thought.
Well, Wednesday night was awesome. There was hurt, there was pain, and there were challenges - challenges that were tough and had no good short-term solutions. The wonderful thing that happened was that the six of us opened up and shared what was on our hearts, without fear of hostility, anger, laughter or judgment. We were able to express ourselves openly and allow the expression itself to be part of the healing process. There are some very difficult things facing these women – things that I cannot imagine or really identify with – but the one thing we all had in common last Wednesday night was the fact that we were all broken and hurting.
The other thing that happened, one that I really had to address in myself, was that no one expressed any sort of correction, rebuke or answer. This is a tough one for me because I am a problem solver, and to listen to someone express a real problem in her life and allow myself to just sit and listen was tough. But I did it. And I knew that it was the exact right thing to do.
Since this was an experiment for me, something that I am addressing in my leadership skills, I have to ask myself if I would do anything different. There are two things that I would have done differently. First, I would like to have stressed a little bit more the fact that we have a savior who knows and understands human suffering. Sometimes this isn’t the most comforting thing we can know, but sometimes it is. I honestly don’t believe that there is any new emotion, new situation or new suffering that He hasn’t already experienced. Granted He can’t know the pain of losing a spouse and the struggle of providing for a family afterward, but don’t you think that He knows the human heart well enough to know how to comfort those who are in that situation? I do. He has had over 2,000 years and countless millions upon millions of people who have each faced great suffering in their lives. He knows.
The second thing that I would like to change is my response to incorrect thinking. There were some thoughts expressed last week that I feel were incorrect, even biblically incorrect, and while I stated that I thought the person’s statement was false, I didn’t really offer any evidence or argument to support my assertion. I’m going to do some research and help try to correct those bad statements.
Stay tuned next week as we have the after effect of this life changing week.
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