I'm about to leave for the weekend - going down to Plainfield to visit some friends. M & L have been my stability while I've lived here in IL. (If you recall from a previous post - Lint in the Belly Button, L was the one who so lovingly didn't question the request.) They've had some hard times in the past and I have tried to support them the best that I know how, but sometimes I feel like I've fallen short of what God would have me do.
I think I can say this objectively. Lori was a brand-new Christian when I first met her - she was so excited about her faith and the wonders of God. She could also see God's hand in her life several years before she came to know Him personally. And yet, I feel that her transformation has ceased. I can see several clear reasons why this would happen, but I'm disappointed in myself that I have not been able to support her spiritually - in fact, I find it extremely difficult to do when I live 70 miles away. I know that 70 miles is not all that far, but it is far enough that I don't get down there but once every 2 months or so, and as everybody knows, long distance relationships can be difficult to maintain.
I would like some payer to help me help her. I would like some ideas of things that I can do with her (NOT just giving her a book) that might spark something. I don't even have to be the vehicle - God could use anyone and anything - but I would like to have my eyes open enough to see it happening, if that makes sense. Okay, I had better get on the road before it takes me 6 hours to get down there.
Toodles!
Friday, November 12, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
a little nervous
Something good has happened, but I'm a little nervous about it. The Small Group has been bonding left and right these last few weeks - I think we can all sense the closeness and cherish it. What has happened is that we now have a new member. I'm hoping that our momentum will carry through to her and she can feel welcome and intimate with us as much as I also hope that we don't lose the ground we've gained. Changing group dynamics mid-stream is always a challenge - I just hope it doesn't backfire on me.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
God keeps showing up
This is probably one of the biggest weeks of my career. I have been spearhading a project that will allow the college I work for to hold Online Registration. This is HUGE. It starts tomorrow with about 55 students and then on Monday we'll add in about 400 students to the test group. I'm nervous about several things: 1) will the server crash or can it handle the load? 2) are students going to be able to figure it out? 3) are faculty going to be able to figure it out? 4) is the system going to work?
I am ususally a fearful person and I was very stressed out over the weekend in anticipation of everything I need to get done this week. Strangely enough, God has shown up and has put me completely at peace. Yesterday when I got to work I saw 3 deer feasting near the library (the building I work in) and I was able to get fairly close to them. Awsome.
Then today I saw one of THE most beautiful sunrises ever. The sky was red, the sun was a big glowing red ball...the lake was calm. It was perfect.
Thank you God. I really needed this.
I am ususally a fearful person and I was very stressed out over the weekend in anticipation of everything I need to get done this week. Strangely enough, God has shown up and has put me completely at peace. Yesterday when I got to work I saw 3 deer feasting near the library (the building I work in) and I was able to get fairly close to them. Awsome.
Then today I saw one of THE most beautiful sunrises ever. The sky was red, the sun was a big glowing red ball...the lake was calm. It was perfect.
Thank you God. I really needed this.
Monday, November 1, 2010
loyalties
I was reading something yesterday (daily devotion!) and one of the things that it talked about was how hard we have to work to have something that is good. For example, I've been trying to lose weight for nearly my entire life. However, I don't really put into it the effort that is truely required: working out, drinking more water, really (really!) watching what I eat, etc. So why, then, do you suppose, that I am always depressed over not losing any weight?
It seems to me that when I am stagnant in my faith it is because I'm not really working on it. Effort needs to be made to connect with God and to grow in ways that I don't initially think that I need to. To have a dynamic life of constant transformation requires an effort equal in measure. And it all boils down to where my loyalties lie: as soon as I feel that I'm in a good place, I slack off and my loyalties change to things more of this world. Oh what a battle of a life we live!
It seems to me that when I am stagnant in my faith it is because I'm not really working on it. Effort needs to be made to connect with God and to grow in ways that I don't initially think that I need to. To have a dynamic life of constant transformation requires an effort equal in measure. And it all boils down to where my loyalties lie: as soon as I feel that I'm in a good place, I slack off and my loyalties change to things more of this world. Oh what a battle of a life we live!
Friday, October 29, 2010
being theology correct vs seeking understanding
In my weekly meeting with CM this week, I gave an update on my Wednesday night group. Last week I posted that we had a breakthrough of trust, each of us making ourselves vulnerable while sharing the problems that we've been experiencing lately. One of the things I kept hearing was "if only I had more faith I wouldn't be in this situation".
When I heard this first come up, I don't think I really addressed the issue well enough, so I thought I would do it this week. We started off reading John 21:1-14, the final time that Jesus appeared to 7 of the 11 apostles. In Matthew 28, Jesus asks them to go up a mountain and wait for him. Apparently they got a little impatient because the next thing we read (chronologically) is Peter essentially giving up and returning to his previous life, becoming a fisherman once again, but an unsuccessful one. He and the other disciples are out fishing at night on the Sea of Galilee, it is dawn and they are coming back to shore empty handed. But there is Jesus, loving them all just the same, and he tells them to go back out and cast their nets again. They go, not knowing that it is Jesus, and come back with nets bursting with fish. But before they could even get back to the shore Jesus is there with a fire and a feast waiting for them.
The picture painted here is one of trust and provision. The disciples didn't trust Jesus enough to stay where he had commanded them to wait. When they take matters into their own hands they are unable to provide for themselves. But here is Jesus, not admonishing them, but providing for them. They had little faith, but Jesus met their every need anyway.
I don't think that faith is a measurable commodity. Jesus (and God) will never say, "Gee, you only have .9 ounces of faith, but you really need 1 full ounce before we can work in your life." That is NOT how God works. Even the faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains.
And yet we do recognize in ourselves that our faith can grow. I know that I have more trust in God today than I did 12 years ago, or even 2 years ago. But whatever measure of faith that I do have does not, in any way, shape or form, guarantee my present (or future) circumstances. Our circumstances happen regardless of how MUCH faith we have. What does change, though, is the level of peace we have in the face of trying circumstances. God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow: He will always love me. But, we live in a fallen world, and that means that there are some things in our lives that are beyond our control: getting into a car accident, getting laid off from a job, getting sick, etc. What DOES change is our response to those circumstances - and in that response we can have peace and even joy. God works miracles every day, regardless of how much faith we have, but the more faith we have our response to those circumstances can change.
When I heard this first come up, I don't think I really addressed the issue well enough, so I thought I would do it this week. We started off reading John 21:1-14, the final time that Jesus appeared to 7 of the 11 apostles. In Matthew 28, Jesus asks them to go up a mountain and wait for him. Apparently they got a little impatient because the next thing we read (chronologically) is Peter essentially giving up and returning to his previous life, becoming a fisherman once again, but an unsuccessful one. He and the other disciples are out fishing at night on the Sea of Galilee, it is dawn and they are coming back to shore empty handed. But there is Jesus, loving them all just the same, and he tells them to go back out and cast their nets again. They go, not knowing that it is Jesus, and come back with nets bursting with fish. But before they could even get back to the shore Jesus is there with a fire and a feast waiting for them.
The picture painted here is one of trust and provision. The disciples didn't trust Jesus enough to stay where he had commanded them to wait. When they take matters into their own hands they are unable to provide for themselves. But here is Jesus, not admonishing them, but providing for them. They had little faith, but Jesus met their every need anyway.
I don't think that faith is a measurable commodity. Jesus (and God) will never say, "Gee, you only have .9 ounces of faith, but you really need 1 full ounce before we can work in your life." That is NOT how God works. Even the faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains.
And yet we do recognize in ourselves that our faith can grow. I know that I have more trust in God today than I did 12 years ago, or even 2 years ago. But whatever measure of faith that I do have does not, in any way, shape or form, guarantee my present (or future) circumstances. Our circumstances happen regardless of how MUCH faith we have. What does change, though, is the level of peace we have in the face of trying circumstances. God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow: He will always love me. But, we live in a fallen world, and that means that there are some things in our lives that are beyond our control: getting into a car accident, getting laid off from a job, getting sick, etc. What DOES change is our response to those circumstances - and in that response we can have peace and even joy. God works miracles every day, regardless of how much faith we have, but the more faith we have our response to those circumstances can change.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
lint in the belly button
One of the follow-up questions that CM asked me was “Where has grace shown up in your life?” This was in response to saying that in last week’s small group one of the women said that she felt very alone. This is a feeling that I completely identify with. So, CM, here is how grace showed up for me a few years ago.
When I lived in Atlanta, from 1994 – 2001, I didn’t really have any friends. Really. I’ve always been more of a loner, not feeling like I truly fit in anywhere, and have felt like friendships were more burdensome for my “friends” than for me. With that said, I did have some very close friends from college, TI and AB, who are still friends with me today even though we don’t see each other all that frequently. But I digress.
So when I moved to the Chicago area in 2001, it was not a very difficult move for me to make: I had no real investitures of friends in the Atlanta area. (I do have family in Atlanta, family that I am close to and love and miss dearly, but aside from them, I don’t feel like I left anyone behind.) I moved here not knowing a soul (save for my uncle, and I really didn’t know him all that well), I didn’t have a job (or prospects for one) and I didn’t know the area. Exactly 4 Sundays after moving here, I walked into Naperville Bible Church and went to the “visitor’s center”, met a woman named Muriel and my life changed. I took the bold step of talking to someone ( ). Muriel in turn mentioned me to another friend of hers, Bea, who called me that afternoon and invited me to her small group in 2 weeks. I said yes immediately even though I was petrified. That small group was my gift from God. There were Southerners (the V’s), there were newbie Chicagolanders (the H’s) and a host of other people who made me more welcome and more valued that I had ever felt before. The H’s have become such good friends that they asked me to be the Godmother to their son, Bug, as I call him. (You know, because he was as cute as a bug in a rug when he was born.) In fact, the H’s have opened up for me this new and uncharted world of friendship.
Now, you may be wondering where I’m going with all of this. Here it is. Six years ago, shortly after I moved up to Waukegan to be closer to work (I was previously living in Plainfield), I needed an emergency gall bladder-ectomy. L (aka Mrs. H), found someone to look after Bug for a few days and immediately drove up to Lake Forest to be with me. The moment of true grace for me, though, was when I asked her, out of complete embarrassment, if she would clean my belly button before my surgery so that the surgeons wouldn’t have to deal with a dirty one. (I have to say that the BB is one of my body parts that gets neglected.) And she did. She laughed a little, and looked at me crazily, but I knew that she did it because she loved me like a sister. She has become for me a friend in whom I know I have complete acceptance and love. She is the “best friend” that I’ve never had before. I still deal with issues of being alone. I also know that I will probably always struggle with those feelings, even if I should ever marry. But because of her I know that I will always have a friend to turn to in time of need. That was how grace showed up for me.
When I lived in Atlanta, from 1994 – 2001, I didn’t really have any friends. Really. I’ve always been more of a loner, not feeling like I truly fit in anywhere, and have felt like friendships were more burdensome for my “friends” than for me. With that said, I did have some very close friends from college, TI and AB, who are still friends with me today even though we don’t see each other all that frequently. But I digress.
So when I moved to the Chicago area in 2001, it was not a very difficult move for me to make: I had no real investitures of friends in the Atlanta area. (I do have family in Atlanta, family that I am close to and love and miss dearly, but aside from them, I don’t feel like I left anyone behind.) I moved here not knowing a soul (save for my uncle, and I really didn’t know him all that well), I didn’t have a job (or prospects for one) and I didn’t know the area. Exactly 4 Sundays after moving here, I walked into Naperville Bible Church and went to the “visitor’s center”, met a woman named Muriel and my life changed. I took the bold step of talking to someone ( ). Muriel in turn mentioned me to another friend of hers, Bea, who called me that afternoon and invited me to her small group in 2 weeks. I said yes immediately even though I was petrified. That small group was my gift from God. There were Southerners (the V’s), there were newbie Chicagolanders (the H’s) and a host of other people who made me more welcome and more valued that I had ever felt before. The H’s have become such good friends that they asked me to be the Godmother to their son, Bug, as I call him. (You know, because he was as cute as a bug in a rug when he was born.) In fact, the H’s have opened up for me this new and uncharted world of friendship.
Now, you may be wondering where I’m going with all of this. Here it is. Six years ago, shortly after I moved up to Waukegan to be closer to work (I was previously living in Plainfield), I needed an emergency gall bladder-ectomy. L (aka Mrs. H), found someone to look after Bug for a few days and immediately drove up to Lake Forest to be with me. The moment of true grace for me, though, was when I asked her, out of complete embarrassment, if she would clean my belly button before my surgery so that the surgeons wouldn’t have to deal with a dirty one. (I have to say that the BB is one of my body parts that gets neglected.) And she did. She laughed a little, and looked at me crazily, but I knew that she did it because she loved me like a sister. She has become for me a friend in whom I know I have complete acceptance and love. She is the “best friend” that I’ve never had before. I still deal with issues of being alone. I also know that I will probably always struggle with those feelings, even if I should ever marry. But because of her I know that I will always have a friend to turn to in time of need. That was how grace showed up for me.
one step towards compassionate leadership
I wrote on Wednesday about the anticipation of what would happen in my small group that night. I mentioned that I had made a decision not to do “formal” bible study because some of the women in the group were having some difficult times and they needed the opportunity to be heard and loved. What I was having problems with was diving into the realm of messy lives where emotions rule. I am not a overly emotional person and have challenges dealing with other people’s emotions, with much discomfort and backing away. I know that this is not because of any lack of compassion on my part – I hurt for these women and the challenges they face in life – but because I don’t know how to rightly express myself. When I start to cry (and I cry easily), I get flustered and lose all cohesive thought.
Well, Wednesday night was awesome. There was hurt, there was pain, and there were challenges - challenges that were tough and had no good short-term solutions. The wonderful thing that happened was that the six of us opened up and shared what was on our hearts, without fear of hostility, anger, laughter or judgment. We were able to express ourselves openly and allow the expression itself to be part of the healing process. There are some very difficult things facing these women – things that I cannot imagine or really identify with – but the one thing we all had in common last Wednesday night was the fact that we were all broken and hurting.
The other thing that happened, one that I really had to address in myself, was that no one expressed any sort of correction, rebuke or answer. This is a tough one for me because I am a problem solver, and to listen to someone express a real problem in her life and allow myself to just sit and listen was tough. But I did it. And I knew that it was the exact right thing to do.
Since this was an experiment for me, something that I am addressing in my leadership skills, I have to ask myself if I would do anything different. There are two things that I would have done differently. First, I would like to have stressed a little bit more the fact that we have a savior who knows and understands human suffering. Sometimes this isn’t the most comforting thing we can know, but sometimes it is. I honestly don’t believe that there is any new emotion, new situation or new suffering that He hasn’t already experienced. Granted He can’t know the pain of losing a spouse and the struggle of providing for a family afterward, but don’t you think that He knows the human heart well enough to know how to comfort those who are in that situation? I do. He has had over 2,000 years and countless millions upon millions of people who have each faced great suffering in their lives. He knows.
The second thing that I would like to change is my response to incorrect thinking. There were some thoughts expressed last week that I feel were incorrect, even biblically incorrect, and while I stated that I thought the person’s statement was false, I didn’t really offer any evidence or argument to support my assertion. I’m going to do some research and help try to correct those bad statements.
Stay tuned next week as we have the after effect of this life changing week.
Well, Wednesday night was awesome. There was hurt, there was pain, and there were challenges - challenges that were tough and had no good short-term solutions. The wonderful thing that happened was that the six of us opened up and shared what was on our hearts, without fear of hostility, anger, laughter or judgment. We were able to express ourselves openly and allow the expression itself to be part of the healing process. There are some very difficult things facing these women – things that I cannot imagine or really identify with – but the one thing we all had in common last Wednesday night was the fact that we were all broken and hurting.
The other thing that happened, one that I really had to address in myself, was that no one expressed any sort of correction, rebuke or answer. This is a tough one for me because I am a problem solver, and to listen to someone express a real problem in her life and allow myself to just sit and listen was tough. But I did it. And I knew that it was the exact right thing to do.
Since this was an experiment for me, something that I am addressing in my leadership skills, I have to ask myself if I would do anything different. There are two things that I would have done differently. First, I would like to have stressed a little bit more the fact that we have a savior who knows and understands human suffering. Sometimes this isn’t the most comforting thing we can know, but sometimes it is. I honestly don’t believe that there is any new emotion, new situation or new suffering that He hasn’t already experienced. Granted He can’t know the pain of losing a spouse and the struggle of providing for a family afterward, but don’t you think that He knows the human heart well enough to know how to comfort those who are in that situation? I do. He has had over 2,000 years and countless millions upon millions of people who have each faced great suffering in their lives. He knows.
The second thing that I would like to change is my response to incorrect thinking. There were some thoughts expressed last week that I feel were incorrect, even biblically incorrect, and while I stated that I thought the person’s statement was false, I didn’t really offer any evidence or argument to support my assertion. I’m going to do some research and help try to correct those bad statements.
Stay tuned next week as we have the after effect of this life changing week.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
risk taking
One of the things that I would like to learn | practice | try with this field ed is how to take a few more risks - emotionally. This is where I feel most uncomfortable - probably because I cry a lot and am usually uncomfortable (and embarrassed) with my tears. I guess I view them as a weakness - partly because I feel a strong ineptitude with expressing myself clearly when tears are present. Also, I have a really bad memory of breaking down at work and my so-called "team" seeing the tears as a weakness. Anyway, that is for another story.
My story today, however, is about risk taking. I received an email this week from one of the members of my small group letting me know that on Sunday she witnessed another member of our small group break down. Out of concern, I was emailed to let me know that hard times are being experienced by members of my group. So, in order to be responsive, I've decided to take a break from study and have an evening of prayer, fellowship and worship. I'm really uncomfortable facing other people's pain, but am hoping that within the context of fellowship and worship, I'll be able to work through this. We're meeting tonight, so please pray for me. I'll give an update tomorrow on how everything went.
My story today, however, is about risk taking. I received an email this week from one of the members of my small group letting me know that on Sunday she witnessed another member of our small group break down. Out of concern, I was emailed to let me know that hard times are being experienced by members of my group. So, in order to be responsive, I've decided to take a break from study and have an evening of prayer, fellowship and worship. I'm really uncomfortable facing other people's pain, but am hoping that within the context of fellowship and worship, I'll be able to work through this. We're meeting tonight, so please pray for me. I'll give an update tomorrow on how everything went.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
grace and compassion
CM and I talked about a definition for compassion on Sunday. I don't really have a defintion as much as I have an image. The problem that I have with the image is that I see myself doing something that is not "naturally" me. But here it is:
When I think of compassionate women, I think of women who, every time I've encountered them, have made me feel special. (perhpas loved?) I think of women who make me want to talk, which I don't do naturally, but almost more important, I feel that after I've talked, they have listened. I think of women who, when faced with some challenging news/discussion during small group, know exactly what to say, or not say, and still make the other person feel loved and accepted. I guess what I'm saying is that I want to develop some listening skills and some wisdom skills.
I spent the day travelling yesterday and found myself sitting at the airport lost in my own little world. I didn't put my iPod on, but I pulled out a logic puzzle to work on and ignored everyone else. But I did have a good conversation with my co-worker in the car on the drive to this little town. It turns out he is a "Humanistic Jew". I'm not really sure what that means just yet, but we had a good coversation anyway. I might even get to the point of sharing the gospel with him...will have to wait and see. He seems very reluctant to talk about religious things.
It is intresting that he has held on to his identity has a Humanistic Jew, even though he claims that he has no real religious preference. I think he is at the stage where he feels that as long as someone's religious practices does not hurt anyone else, then they are okay. He even admitted that he doesn't think that any one religion is "right", or more correct, over any other.
So in this coversation, he asked me why I was in Seminary. I replied that I have a concern for truth - I want to know that what I believe is true, and why it is true. I think he is still processing this one.
It is odd that my parents are on their "fall trip" and are literally about an hours drive up the road from me. Strange to think that we crossed paths yesterday on the road. I can't wait to see them next week.
I saw MZ, PW, SB, KL, MJ and SA at church yesterday. They have all stopped coming to bible study and I sometimes have a hard time not being upset with them. None of them have told me that they wanted to stop, they just stopped showing up. I need to ask them why. Hm. Need to practice that listening, compassionate, grace thing.
When I think of compassionate women, I think of women who, every time I've encountered them, have made me feel special. (perhpas loved?) I think of women who make me want to talk, which I don't do naturally, but almost more important, I feel that after I've talked, they have listened. I think of women who, when faced with some challenging news/discussion during small group, know exactly what to say, or not say, and still make the other person feel loved and accepted. I guess what I'm saying is that I want to develop some listening skills and some wisdom skills.
I spent the day travelling yesterday and found myself sitting at the airport lost in my own little world. I didn't put my iPod on, but I pulled out a logic puzzle to work on and ignored everyone else. But I did have a good conversation with my co-worker in the car on the drive to this little town. It turns out he is a "Humanistic Jew". I'm not really sure what that means just yet, but we had a good coversation anyway. I might even get to the point of sharing the gospel with him...will have to wait and see. He seems very reluctant to talk about religious things.
It is intresting that he has held on to his identity has a Humanistic Jew, even though he claims that he has no real religious preference. I think he is at the stage where he feels that as long as someone's religious practices does not hurt anyone else, then they are okay. He even admitted that he doesn't think that any one religion is "right", or more correct, over any other.
So in this coversation, he asked me why I was in Seminary. I replied that I have a concern for truth - I want to know that what I believe is true, and why it is true. I think he is still processing this one.
It is odd that my parents are on their "fall trip" and are literally about an hours drive up the road from me. Strange to think that we crossed paths yesterday on the road. I can't wait to see them next week.
I saw MZ, PW, SB, KL, MJ and SA at church yesterday. They have all stopped coming to bible study and I sometimes have a hard time not being upset with them. None of them have told me that they wanted to stop, they just stopped showing up. I need to ask them why. Hm. Need to practice that listening, compassionate, grace thing.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Day 1, Part 2
Okay, so it has been a few hours since I created this blog and put the "first" post up. Now that I have a bulk of my work for the day finished, I wanted to come back and elaborate a little more (mostly for myself). One of the requirements for Field Ed at Trinity is that we have to come up with a list of goals. Goals for both personal growth and ministry growth. In thinking about this, I realized that one of my biggest personal goals is to learn to be a more physically compassionate person. I know that I am very compassionate - my heart goes out to people in pain, tough situations and the like, but I have a hard time showing my compassion. I feel like whenever I do tears start to roll and I can't think straight. I want to learn how to express my compassion in such a way that I am not left in tears with no words to say. Tears are okay, but words also need to come. (Gee, as I'm writing this tears are already coming to my eyes.)
I've noticed over the years that I have a difficult time expressing my feelings to people and I think it is because my parents are not expressive people. They are two completely private people who let very, very few people into their inner world. And I've learned to be this way as well. Don't get me wrong, there are things about me that probably should stay private, and they will, but there is also the sense that I can't grow, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually unless I invite people in. It just so happens that this is a very difficult thing for me to do.
CM asked me this week to define "compassion". I will work on that definition this weekend and get back to you.
I've noticed over the years that I have a difficult time expressing my feelings to people and I think it is because my parents are not expressive people. They are two completely private people who let very, very few people into their inner world. And I've learned to be this way as well. Don't get me wrong, there are things about me that probably should stay private, and they will, but there is also the sense that I can't grow, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually unless I invite people in. It just so happens that this is a very difficult thing for me to do.
CM asked me this week to define "compassion". I will work on that definition this weekend and get back to you.
Transformation - Day 1
I've been thinking this week about journaling and what this simple, little act can bring to my life. I work full-time at a small liberal arts college, I am in seminary part time, and am involved with women's bible study at church. My life seems full and in fact, I act like my life is too full - much to the neglect of my spiritual growth. One of the things that we have to do in seminary are these things called Field Education - basically they want us to be involved in a ministry, but in such a way that we think through ways in which this service can grow us at future Christian leaders. So this semester, and for the following two, I am going to continue to serve my church in the same way as always, except to put a little more thought into my spiritual growth, which is something that I usually neglect.
Part of this work also means that I need to have a mentor - someone who can help guide me in this journey. God has really blessed me already by providing CM as my mentor - I know that I am going to be challenged this year and am grateful that she is such a Godly woman.
One of the very first tasks she is asking me to do is to journal. I'm not that great at journaling, having picked it up and put it down quite a few times over the last decade. But because this is "coursework" and because I do want to discover the woman that God has created me to be, I am going to try to be more consistent.
Please accept this blog as my attempt to wrestle with what I believe. I am a Christian but I am FAR from perfect and FAR from consistently "getting things right". If you happen to stumble upon this blog and see how screwed up I really am, please know that I accept this and that I consider myself to be a work in progress. But also know that it is through life's messes that we get to see the wonderful hand of God touch our lives and transform it beyond our wildest imagination.
Part of this work also means that I need to have a mentor - someone who can help guide me in this journey. God has really blessed me already by providing CM as my mentor - I know that I am going to be challenged this year and am grateful that she is such a Godly woman.
One of the very first tasks she is asking me to do is to journal. I'm not that great at journaling, having picked it up and put it down quite a few times over the last decade. But because this is "coursework" and because I do want to discover the woman that God has created me to be, I am going to try to be more consistent.
Please accept this blog as my attempt to wrestle with what I believe. I am a Christian but I am FAR from perfect and FAR from consistently "getting things right". If you happen to stumble upon this blog and see how screwed up I really am, please know that I accept this and that I consider myself to be a work in progress. But also know that it is through life's messes that we get to see the wonderful hand of God touch our lives and transform it beyond our wildest imagination.
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