confirmation

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person in the world who thinks a certain way. This doesn't happen often, but there are times when I have a thought and I completely ignore it because I think other people will not be able to relate or understand or be able to refrain from thinking me completely nuts. But some times, I do say something and I pleasently discover that others can identify with me. One of the ladies in my small group last night said that she had faced some moments earlier in the week of extreme anger and hostility toward someone. She was confused by her anger and embarrased by it and did not know where it came from. Since I was not there peeping over her shoulder observing this behavior I wasn't really sure what to say. But then something that I had experienced yesterday came to mind. And I spoke up. Yesterday I was working on a little project that snowballed into a massive thing - 12 emails and 3 new people involved and people still were not understanding something that I had done to help make their lives better. They completely misunderstood me and I was very frustrated. But when my friend in small group started talking about her week, something dawned on me. I had gone above and beyond people's expectations for this project and my frustration came from them not appreciating all the manual data entry work that I saved them. They didn't appreciate me - or at least that's how I felt - and there was a little bit of anger there.

I think that sometimes, as a Christian, we feel that we need to be giving people - this is the external expectation placed on us in society - that we are "nice", "caring", and "giving" individuals. And I would say that the vast majority of Christians are these things. But when that sense of being walked all over, or taken advantage of, or even non-recognition of a job very well done happens, the side of us that craves notice gets a little bent out of shape. Where does that come from? I would say Satan.

I think for my friend it was helpful to put a name to the anger, just as it was for me. Now we can call it what it is and learn from it - after we repent for being selfish. I am SO thankful that God is gracious, wonderful and merciful.